Why, it just CAN’T be me…

March 24, 2010 · 4 comments

Standing in line to board a Delta flight from Tucson to Atlanta today, I realized one of the causes of our troubles as a nation…and, perhaps, what may be causing conflict — or worse — in your business.

I had just touched base with the gate agent regarding our departure, as the incoming flight had not yet arrived, and I wanted to see if we were going to be on time. The friendly agent said the flight was about to land…and I could just stand right there and wait to board the plane, as I was in Group One.

While waiting, I checked for messages on my iPhone, and sent a couple of texts. Then, three guys walked right by me, to take their place in front of me to board the plane.

While irritating, it’s nothing I would ever lose my cool over — we’re all going to arrive in Atlanta at the same time, and my connection to Indianapolis won’t leave any earlier if I’m first on the plane in Tucson.

However, when a couple walked in front of THEM, they immediately called attention to their place at the “front” of the queue. (Turns out, the couple was going first because the wife had a cast from hip to toe, and was boarding as a handicapped passenger.)

In other words, the very behavior they had just displayed to ME…was infuriating to THEM! They thought nothing of stepping in front of my place in line…because they were only looking out for themselves. When someone did the exact same thing to them, they responded negatively, and immediately.

This phenomenon goes well beyond the old “looking out for number one” mentality…it’s reached the point where “if you don’t think and act like me”…then you’re number two…if you get my implication.

Yesterday, I was one of two keynote speakers at a major conference on health insurance. The opening speaker was former Senate Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist. As both a doctor — he’s a heart and lung transplant surgeon — and a former U. S. Senator, he’s on the front lines of the debate.

Senator Frist was remarkably insightful and wise in his program. One of the most striking examples, however, was his use of this statistic: During the time that Everitt Dirksen and Lyndon Johnson were the Minority and Majority Leaders of the United States Senate in the 1960′s, the average Senator voted a straight party line about 55% of the time. The rest of the time, Senators negotiated and compromised to find a middle ground to do what was best for the nation. (For example, it took Republican votes to pass the major civil rights legislation. Many Democrats from the South voted against the measures. Without the bipartisan approach, some of the landmark legislation on equality would not have been passed.) Today, Frist said, the party line vote occurs about 91% of the time.

“When I refuse to even consider the viewpoints of others — just because they belong to the opposing political party — I both negate potential opportunities to help my constituents, AND foster a climate of vitriol and negativity, where little of a constructive nature is accomplished,” Frist said.

So, Democrats and Republicans both point the finger — or, in more dramatic cases, give the finger, and shout and spit — at one another, insisting that it “just CAN’T be ME!”

How is this point about your business? Consider when a customer complains…and a manager assumes his negative evaluation cannot be correct. An employee is upset…and a vice-president instead complains about her attitude. It can’t be US in the wrong!

YES, it is. When we fail to intelligently consider the perspective of others, we ultimately devalue ourselves.

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  • http://ipadtest.wordpress.com Mike Cane

    Oh yeah, I’ve had that happen to me. Several times. It’s a little thing, but Bukowski nailed it:

    it’s not the large things that
    send a man to the
    madhouse. death he’s ready for, or
    murder, incest, robbery, fire, flood…
    no, it’s the continuing series of small tragedies
    that send a man to the
    madhouse…
    not the death of his love
    but a shoelace that snaps
    with no time left …
    The dread of life
    is that swarm of trivialities
    that can kill quicker than cancer

    http://allisonlanda.blogspot.com/2009/02/bukowski-shoelace.html

  • http://topsy.com/trackback?url=http://mckainviewpoint.com/2010/03/why-it-just-cant-be-me/ Tweets that mention Why, it just CAN’T be me… via #FB — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeffrey Summers, Jim Sheppard. Jim Sheppard said: Really good post by @ScottMcKain. "Why, it just CAN’T be me…" http://bit.ly/beiA2x [...]

  • http://monicaricci.typepad.com Monica Ricci

    Scott, great stuff. Several months ago on a business trip I was waiting to board an Amtrak train in Philadelphia’s 30th Street Station. The line began at the top of the “down” escalator and stretched all the way around and down the corridor. It was OBVIOUSLY an orderly single-file line, and we had all been standing there for fifteen to twenty minutes waiting. I was near the front of the line directly behind a mother and daughter, and we had chatted a bit while waiting.

    The announcer called for our train to board, and as the line slowly began to move, a young man in his mid-20s walked up and cut in front of a mother and daughter I had been chatting with. They looked at each other incredulously, and then at me. I said to him, “REALLY? You REALLY just cut to the front of this line when you can clearly see how many people are here and the fact that we’ve all been waiting to board?”

    He was obviously taken by surprise, and we argued back and forth the entire way down the escalator. Essentially his argument was “There are plenty of seats for everyone so it doesn’t matter what order you board the train.” (I’m not making this up)

    MY argument was “You’re right, there are plenty of seats for everyone, so it won’t matter if you stand in line like a civilized human being and wait your turn, then will it?” He wasn’t having it.

    Understand, I don’t normally confront people in public, but this rubbed me SO the wrong way. The fact that he was counting on nobody calling him on it was probably what fueled me. That and the fact that he was short and I could’ve easily taken him. LOL…

  • http://www.CactusWrangler.com Beth Terry

    Scott – you’ve nailed it. The deterioration of civil conversations on matters of great importance has me more worried about this country than the economy. Too many “shouters” on TV and Radio; too much bogus information floating around the internet; too many people who skipped civics class, history, geography, social studies, and critical thinking. I’m floored by the “logic” of some people I thought were otherwise intelligent. The healthcare debate seems to boil down to: “I need it, therefore we should pass this bill in its entirety,” vs “I have employees and don’t want to cover them, therefore dump the entire thing.”

    There is a truth in the middle of that. There should have been better conversations. There should have been smaller bills — not 2,000 pages no one has read. I never thought Hawaii would be a model for anything other than really great Diversity Training… but Hawaii’s model for healthcare coverage is considerably better than what we wound up with.

    I worry about our system collapsing because we are so self-focused that we can’t even see each other over our keyboards. Many of us have better relationships with Twitter pals than our own colleagues. Better conversations on Facebook than at the dinner table. We have taken ‘safe’ routes to fulfill our need for community by choosing a medium where we can just swear at the computer, delete the tweet, or unfriend someone. None of that takes social skill or communication to achieve.

    As one of my friends recently pointed out – there are silver linings to everything. As long as this goes on, you and I will always have job security!

    Cheers,
    Great Article,
    Beth

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