It’s a great exercise I’ve often used in seminars…
Get a sheet of paper. Draw a line from top to bottom down the middle of the page.
(Seriously. Do it. You’ll be more involved in the outcome if you play along.)
At the top of the page on the left side, put a plus sign (+). On the right, put a minus (-).
When I ask you this next question, write as many one-word answers as you can think of in thirty seconds in the left column.
“What are the positive qualities most important in a best friend…or in a leader you would be totally excited about working with?” Thirty seconds…go.
Great. Next question:
“When you think of the most difficult people you’ve ever worked with…or qualities that would repel you from another…what are the most negative qualities a leader could possess?” Thirty seconds…go.
Look at your list. What do you discover?
Here’s my suggestion of what you should realize: You want it both ways.
Many say they want a leader to be “decisive” — but, at the same time, they don’t want her to be “authoritarian.” You want a leader who “listens to all” — but, simultaneously, you don’t want him to be “wishy-washy” or “indecisive.” Huh?
We want “confident” as a quality in our friends — yet, we don’t want “conceited.”
Is conceit the OPPOSITE of confidence? (Even though we place one in the positive, and the other in the negative?) Obviously not.
Here’s another question…does the “conceited” person acknowledge that fact? Of course not…they say, “Why, yes…I’m supremely confident in my abilities.” It’s just that we PERCEIVE it to be more than merely that…
My suggestion is there is a very fine line between the qualities we find positive…and those we find negative. And, the determination is all based upon the perception of the evaluator.
In a highly spirited dialog last night with some Gen-Y young adults, one mentioned she was an “artist.” The implication being more than “someone who produces artwork,” but a rather dedicated practitioner of extraordinary ability who has sacrificed to attain a superior level of skill by committing to achieving the maximum level of their potential in a creative art.
From my perspective, artists have great commitment. It’s Beethoven in chronic pain, going deaf at the height of his powers, then continuing to compose masterpieces. “The more I am spent, ill, a broken pitcher,” Van Gogh wrote shortly before his little earlobe episode, “so much more am I an artist.”
I’m thinking, from her point of perception, artistic commitment is what Ke$ha had to endure on her way to “Tik Tok.” I believe she thinks she’s committed…but, she doesn’t want the downside of choice.
No matter how much I complain, however, she’s not going to “get it.”
Because, even though the line of perception is very fine…it also runs very deep.
I wouldn’t be able to convince you that “conceited” person is merely “confident,” either…could I?
How are conflicts you have right now with colleagues…customers…even family members…rooted in dissimilar perceptions, rather than fundamental disagreements on positions and values?
What could be achieved if you viewed the issue from their perspective for a bit?
A very fine line…
June 11, 2010 · 1 comment
It’s a great exercise I’ve often used in seminars…
Get a sheet of paper. Draw a line from top to bottom down the middle of the page.
(Seriously. Do it. You’ll be more involved in the outcome if you play along.)
At the top of the page on the left side, put a plus sign (+). On the right, put a minus (-).
When I ask you this next question, write as many one-word answers as you can think of in thirty seconds in the left column.
Great. Next question:
Look at your list. What do you discover?
Here’s my suggestion of what you should realize: You want it both ways.
Many say they want a leader to be “decisive” — but, at the same time, they don’t want her to be “authoritarian.” You want a leader who “listens to all” — but, simultaneously, you don’t want him to be “wishy-washy” or “indecisive.” Huh?
We want “confident” as a quality in our friends — yet, we don’t want “conceited.”
Is conceit the OPPOSITE of confidence? (Even though we place one in the positive, and the other in the negative?) Obviously not.
Here’s another question…does the “conceited” person acknowledge that fact? Of course not…they say, “Why, yes…I’m supremely confident in my abilities.” It’s just that we PERCEIVE it to be more than merely that…
In a highly spirited dialog last night with some Gen-Y young adults, one mentioned she was an “artist.” The implication being more than “someone who produces artwork,” but a rather dedicated practitioner of extraordinary ability who has sacrificed to attain a superior level of skill by committing to achieving the maximum level of their potential in a creative art.
From my perspective, artists have great commitment. It’s Beethoven in chronic pain, going deaf at the height of his powers, then continuing to compose masterpieces. “The more I am spent, ill, a broken pitcher,” Van Gogh wrote shortly before his little earlobe episode, “so much more am I an artist.”
I’m thinking, from her point of perception, artistic commitment is what Ke$ha had to endure on her way to “Tik Tok.” I believe she thinks she’s committed…but, she doesn’t want the downside of choice.
No matter how much I complain, however, she’s not going to “get it.”
I wouldn’t be able to convince you that “conceited” person is merely “confident,” either…could I?
What could be achieved if you viewed the issue from their perspective for a bit?